Thursday, May 05, 2005
Happenings: Goings On
I leave on Sunday. It sounds so terrifyingly final, absolute, awful and wonderful mixed in for good measure.
My father is currently in the hospital again, for 5-10 days. They won't operate on him unless he is in the "life threatening stage", isn't that wonderful?
I keep telling myself he will be okay, but this is the third time he's been in the hospital in as many months. This is when knowledge is both a good thing and a bad thing. I know whats wrong with my dad, I can rationally think out the formation of a clot, and the breaking off of an old clot that could cause problems. I understand what celiacs disease is and what anemia is, and how heparin and warfarin work, respectively. I also know that there is no cure, only treatment of the disease.
I also know that celiacs is thought to have locus heterogenity and how losing your micro villi would cause mal absorption of gluton. All this useful knowledge gives me nothing, no sense of security.
Thus, I am filled with usefull useless knowledge and fear. I didn't want to admit to myself, but Im afraid.
My mom called my place last night but I was out. She called Chad's place looking for me. Chad relayed the message to me. Only she called after 9 at night, my mom is never up that late, let alone calling.
I had this ball of worry in the pit of my stomach when he said my mom called, I was afraid she would be giving me another someone's dead phone call.
when I found out my grand dad had passed on, via a lovely late night phone call...it took a lot out of me. If I were to get a phone call about my dad? I don't even want to think about it, and yet I can't stop.
My dad has been a lot of things, strict, demanding, but always loving. He made sure I would grow up strong and self reliant. He took me working with him as much as possible. He made sure I knew exactly what was in store for me if I didn't do well in school. He's always wanted to make sure I wasn't like him, he wanted me to achieve whatever my heart's desired.
Sure we argued, hell we still do, but there isn't a thing in this world he wouldn't give mem and has given me, and not think twice about it. That bastard had better smarten up and get healthy or so help me god I'll...
I keep telling myself he's too stubborn to die.
My father is currently in the hospital again, for 5-10 days. They won't operate on him unless he is in the "life threatening stage", isn't that wonderful?
I keep telling myself he will be okay, but this is the third time he's been in the hospital in as many months. This is when knowledge is both a good thing and a bad thing. I know whats wrong with my dad, I can rationally think out the formation of a clot, and the breaking off of an old clot that could cause problems. I understand what celiacs disease is and what anemia is, and how heparin and warfarin work, respectively. I also know that there is no cure, only treatment of the disease.
I also know that celiacs is thought to have locus heterogenity and how losing your micro villi would cause mal absorption of gluton. All this useful knowledge gives me nothing, no sense of security.
Thus, I am filled with usefull useless knowledge and fear. I didn't want to admit to myself, but Im afraid.
My mom called my place last night but I was out. She called Chad's place looking for me. Chad relayed the message to me. Only she called after 9 at night, my mom is never up that late, let alone calling.
I had this ball of worry in the pit of my stomach when he said my mom called, I was afraid she would be giving me another someone's dead phone call.
when I found out my grand dad had passed on, via a lovely late night phone call...it took a lot out of me. If I were to get a phone call about my dad? I don't even want to think about it, and yet I can't stop.
My dad has been a lot of things, strict, demanding, but always loving. He made sure I would grow up strong and self reliant. He took me working with him as much as possible. He made sure I knew exactly what was in store for me if I didn't do well in school. He's always wanted to make sure I wasn't like him, he wanted me to achieve whatever my heart's desired.
Sure we argued, hell we still do, but there isn't a thing in this world he wouldn't give mem and has given me, and not think twice about it. That bastard had better smarten up and get healthy or so help me god I'll...
I keep telling myself he's too stubborn to die.
# posted by Ty @ 12:30 PM 
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***HUGZ***. I'm sure your dad will be OK. If he's even half as stubborn as you, there's not a chance he's not going to. I mean, look at all the things he has left to see with you: graduation next month, getting your wings, getting married, having grand-munchkins. Not even necessarily in that order! I hope you're feeling better and can go visit him b4 you leave. I still wanna see you b4 you go, but your first responsibility is to your family and Carol, so if I don't, I'll understand. However, seeing as I've known you longer than Carol, I should think I deserve at least an in person good bye, so I'd be forced to curse you for the next month until grad. Anyhoodle, I hope you and your dad, and by extension your mommy, are all doing OK. Talk to you soon.
hey hunny,
Everything is going to be alright. Im sure of it. I hope that your doing alright yourself and that I get to see you before you leave... if not I guess I'll have to wait until next month to see you.
Ta ta and much love, me.
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Everything is going to be alright. Im sure of it. I hope that your doing alright yourself and that I get to see you before you leave... if not I guess I'll have to wait until next month to see you.
Ta ta and much love, me.
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